How To Be A Tinker
by Nerdherder51
Summary: Somewhat inspired by Disney's "How To..." cartoon shorts featuring Goofy, this bit of nonsense has Tinker Bell and a breathless narrator explaining how to be a tinker, with the usual disastrous results. Rated "K plus" for much cartoonish mayhem. The fourth and final part is now available including post credit sequences.
1. Chapter 1

**HOW TO BE A TINKER**  
**starring Tinker Bell**

**Done (somewhat) in the style of Goofy's "How To..." cartoon shorts**

* * *

******Disclaimer: Tinker Bell, Disney Fairies, Goofy and all associated characters and content are the property of The Walt Disney Company, the character of Tinker Bell originated by J. M. Barrie. This fan fiction is not intended for profit or monetary gain and exists solely for the purpose of fan entertainment. **

* * *

A narrator, speaking with clear and precise diction and using a voice as though speaking about an important documentary or news report begins. His voice sounds familiar, yet oddly digitized.

"Today we will demonstrate to you, the viewer, How to be a Tinker," the narrator states breathlessly. "And here is our demonstrator, Tinker Bell."

Tinker Bell, who is walking past stops to listen to the disembodied voice of the narrator. She looks around but cannot find who is speaking or where the voice is originating. She appears quite confused when she hears her name and purpose. "Hey, doesn't Goofy usually do these How To shorts?" she asks.

"He's in the hospital recovering from his last one," the narrator tells her. "Besides, who else can teach all of our viewers how to be a tinker than the most famous tinker of them all?"

Tinker Bell smiles rather smugly, "Well, when you put it that way, I'm in."

"Excellent." The voice then speaks to an aide, "Tell Bob Villa he's out."

"Hey!"

* * *

A title card pops up with the name of the current section: HOW TO PREPARE. "Now let us begin with How to Prepare," the narrator says.

The scene changes to Tinker Bell standing in her tea kettle home, her hair is untied and flowing. She is wearing a loose and billowy collection of leaves that have been hastily stitched together. They drape all the way to the floor and her hands and feet can barely be seen.

"Why am I wearing this thing?" she asks the narrator.

"You'll see," the narrator states. "First you must select the proper clothing."

"You got that right," Tinker Bell says.

"Who's narrating this show?" the narrator berates Tinker Bell. "Sorry," she replies.

The narrator begins again. "First you must select proper clothing. Loose fitting clothing that dangles or billows can be a hazard in the work place." Tinker Bell demonstrates as the narrator describes each possible hazard.

"It can restrict your range of motion and get in the way of swinging your hammer." Tinker Bell grabs her hammer and tries to swing it, but it gets caught in the folds of the loose clothing. The fairy attempts to free it by pushing it against the leaves, then pulling in towards her, then swinging it around. "C'mon, c'mon," she grunts with growing impatience and frustration. "LET GO!" she yells while swinging the hammer wildly. It finally releases from the leaf sleeve, but the momentum causes it to swing straight into her forehead. Tinker Bell falls to the ground with a thump. When she sits up there is a huge, red knot on her head and she wobbles about woozy from the hammer strike. "Does it look bad?" she asks the narrator.

"You look just fine," the narrator tells her, lying through his teeth. The tinker fairy stands up and tries to hold her balance in front of the camera as the narrator continues.

"Poor choices of clothing can make it hard to lift and carry items necessary for your project," the narrator says. Tinker Bell reaches down to pick up a stack of lumber and immediately the leaves fold and bend and push up over her head. She cannot see and the fairy stands up to smooth out and pull down the leaves. Once more she leans over to pick up the stacked wood and once again the leaves fold and push up over her head. Frustrated, hurt and impatient Tinker Bell stands up and jerks her clothing down so she can see.

Then she leans down quickly to grab the wood, but once more the leaves just get in her way. Tinker Bell simply proceeds to grab the stack of lumber and tries to walk it to the worktable. The long and ill-fitting leaf clothing gets under foot and she trips and falls face first onto the floor. Her head, however, smacks right into the stack she was carrying and she gets flipped up and over where she thus lands flat on her back. Her hammer, jostled by Tinker Bell's crash landing, falls off the edge of the table and conks her on the head once again. "OOOWWWWW! Stupid hammer!"

The narrator charges on as he begins to describe another hazard. Tinker Bell struggles to her feet to keep up. "Loose clothing and clothing that dangles can also become a problem when working with equipment, such as this spinning lathe."

A lathe, which now sits next to Tinker Bell with a board already fixed, spins up to high RPM's. "We don't use power tools," she tells the narrator. "Everything around her is fairy mYAAAA!" FWUMP!

The lathe grabbed hold of Tinker Bell's clothing and sucked her in, spinning her around and violently slamming her body into the floor with each revolution.

WHUMP! WHUMP! WHUMP! WHUMP!

"OW! OW! OW! OW!"

WHUMP! WHUMP! WHUMP! WHUMP!

"OW! OW! OW! OW!"

Finally the lathe is turned off and it spins down. Tinker Bell is freed from the power tool and slowly she crawls to her to the camera. She gingerly grabs hold of the worktable to pull herself up into camera range. "I'm so glad my insurance is paid up." Tinker Bell, too weak to hold herself up any more lets go of the table and falls into a heap.

* * *

A new title card reveals the next segment HOW TO FIX YOUR HAIR. The narrator echoes the title card with, "Next is How to Fix Your Hair."

"It just said that," Tinker Bell says.

"Who's in charge here?"

"You are," Tinker Bell replies.

"And don't you forget it."

The scene changes to Tinker Bell wearing her iconic little green dress. She appears no worse for wear after the previous incident with the lathe. Her hair is still untied and it loosely drapes over her eyes and ears. She stands before her worktable in Tinker's Nook. Bobble and Clank stand at their tables on either side of her.

"Long and unruly hair can block your vision making it difficult to see your workspace and tools and can cause serious injury or death." The narrator tells the viewers.

"What?! You never said my life would be in danger!" Tinker Bell protests.

"Haven't you watched one of these shorts before?" the narrator tells the little tinker fairy. "Someone's life is always in danger."

"No wonder Goofy wound up in the hospital," Tinker Bell mumbled to herself.

"Now then, as I was saying, long and unruly hair can block your vision making it difficult to see your workspace and tools and can cause serious injury or death."

Tinker Bell takes her hammer and swings it at an acorn. Her hair prevents her from clearly seeing where to strike the hammer and she slams the tool right onto her thumb.

She screams out in pain, "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Tinker Bell grabs her injured thumb and jumps around, her face grimacing. Her thumb, while not broken, is bright red and pulsing with terrible pain.

"Now we come to our next segment, taking a visit to the emergency room," the narrator suggests quite sarcastically.

"Hmmph. Not funny."

The narrator presses on. "Hair that impairs your vision can not only create an unsafe work environment for yourself, but also for your neighbors."

Tinker Bell continues, although is clearly in serious pain. She takes the hammer and slams it down on the acorn which splits in two, rocketing the nut into Bobble's unprotected head. THOCK! He collapses to the floor like a sack of pebbles. When he comes to he looks over at Tinker Bell and Clank who are both looking back with great concern.

"He did it," the narrator lied unhelpfully.

"What?!" Tinker Bell shrieks in disbelief.

"Clank? You hit me in the head?"

"Of course not, Bobble. It was Tinker Bell," Clank replied.

"It couldn't be Tinker Bell, snail brain, she's too nice to do something that rotten," Bobble roared back.

"Are you calling me a liar?"

"Yes, a lying, liar."

"Guys, guys, it was me," Tinker Bell confessed. "It was me and the narrator. Didn't you hear him speaking?"

But they weren't interested. Bobble and Clank start a fist fight and the two start rolling on the ground.

"You take that back," Clank yelled at Bobble.

"Never, you're a no good, back stabbing liar of an ex-friend," Bobble shot back.

"Well if I'm such a lousy friend why don't you move out," Clank shouted. "Then you can move in with your _girlfriend_, Gliss, in the Winter Woods."

"I will, and then I won't have to worry about her lying to me," Bobble screamed in return.

"You do that, and I'll just share my place with… with…," the two stop fighting as Clank comes to a sudden realization. "I'll be alone. All alone without you Bobble. I don't want to be alone. It's awful lonely."

"I'm sorry, Clank. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"And I shouldn't have yelled at you, either."

"Friends?" Bobble asked putting out his open hand.

"Friends," Clank replied taking Bobbles hand in his own and shaking it, sealing their newfound respect for each other.

"Aw, c'mon, guys," Tinker Bell says to them. "How about a hug?"

"Not until you tame that hair, Ms. Bell," Bobble tells her. "You're a menace with it like that."

Tinker Bell just looks confused and a little insulted at the same time. "But…, but… I'm doing a show on how to be a tinker. Can't anybody else hear the narrator?"

"You're hearing voices, Ms. Bell?" Clank asks her.

Tinker Bell sighs. "Oh never mind. I'm going back home."

"And this brings us to our next segment," the narrator announces as a new title card appears. It reads CHOOSING A HAMMER. "Choosing a hammer," the narrator parrots.

* * *

"Choosing a hammer may seem like a simple thing, but the right hammer can make all the difference in the quality of your workmanship and the success of your projects," the narrator tells the viewers with the same breathless pace.

Tinker Bell came across two hammers: hers and another, larger hammer with odd scribbles on it.

"The proper hammer should be the proper size for your hand," the narrator explains helpfully. It is advice which Tinker Bell fully ignores when she chooses the larger, inscribed hammer, which seems inappropriate for tinker work. Rather than a curved head with a large flat end and a sharper end on the opposite side, this hammer is large and somewhat rectangular in shape and the ends were flat and blunt. The handle was long, wrapped in leather and possessed a loop through which she put her arm to gain a more secure grip.

"A hammer should never be too heavy or too light for you to use," the narrator carried on. When Tinker Bell tried to lift the massive hammer she couldn't. No matter how hard she lifted, nothing she tried seemed to be able to dislodge it from its resting place.

"Your hammer should swing easily without causing you to lose your balance," the narrator continued. As soon as he said this the massive hammer that Tinker Bell was trying to lift suddenly released and flew off to the right, taking Tinker Bell with it out of camera range.

"Whoa-a!" she yelled as the hammer flew across the camera's view finder left to right. "Whoa! Heel, heel!" she yelled as the hammer continued to zip about in all directions as if trying to yank free from the tinker fairy's grip. Tinker Bell would have none of it and held steadfastly as it bolted away from her in all directions.

"Your perfect hammer should be a part of you, an extension of your arm and body," the narrator spoke as if nothing odd were happening with Tinker Bell and the massive hammer. "You should be able to swing around in a single, smooth motion. Don't fight the tool, let your power flow through the hammer effortlessly and gracefully."

Tinker Bell was suddenly, and harshly yanked straight up by the hammer, which now seemed to have developed a life, and mind, of its own. "A-aaaaaah!" she yelled. The massive hammer jerked and dodged and spun around as it attempted to dislodge the unwanted passenger. Tinker Bell was pulled in loop de loops and zig-zags. She spun around and around and flipped over and over again. Still Tinker Bell refused to let go, but the hammer would not allow to her to cling and it began to employ less ethical methods. It stopped in midair and bonked her in the head repeatedly.

THONK! THONK! THONK! THONK!

"Ow, ow, ow, ow. Stop that!"

When this failed the hammer dragged her through trees and bushes and brambles with the sharpest thorns. Tinker Bell screamed and cried out in protest with every new plant she encountered. The hammer than slammed her against every hillside, mountainside and crevasse wall it could find. Then it dragged her through rivers and streams and into the ocean itself, but Tinker Bell would not yield.

"When swinging your hammer always be mindful of your environment," the narrator said, still talking in unchanging tones.

As a last resort the hammer shot straight upwards, taking Tinker Bell to heights she had never experienced before. Suddenly, the massive hammer stopped, holding her so high above Never Land that it appeared as a tiny, green speck in a giant sea of blue. Even the mainland seemed small and insignificant at this altitude. That is when the clear sky turned dark and clouds appeared from nowhere. The winds picked up and there was the rumble of thunder. Tinker Bell and hammer were struck by a huge bolt of lightning which left the tinker fairy burnt and crisped. The tip of her bangs were aflame and she licked her fingers and thumbs to put it out. FSSSHHHH!

Then the hammer plummeted towards the ground at an insane speed. Tinker Bell screamed out in utter fear for her life, a stream of smoke trailing behind her as she and the hammer descended through the low level clouds and through several flocks of birds. Never Land Island grew quickly in her gaze and Tinker Bell wondered if she would survive the impact.

Meanwhile, in the Pixie Dust Tree, Queen Clarion had received a rather handsome visitor. He was The Mighty Thor, the Asgardian god of thunder.

"I seemed to have lost my hammer," the told the queen. She didn't respond. Instead, the queen, Fairy Mary, Snowflake, Sunflower and even Viola merely stared with dreamy looks and mouths agape.

"It is a rather large war hammer with writing," Thor said to them, describing it. Still, the women did not respond. They just… drank in the handsome sight.

"Its name is Mjölnir. Although my friend Darcy tends to refer to it as MyumMyum," he said with a winning smile and charming laugh. Queen Clarion and the other women could only sigh. They could have sworn that his eyes twinkled and his teeth sparkled in the light of the pixie dust glow.

"Can you help me?" Thor asked them once more. "My brother Loki played a rather nasty trick by hiding it somewhere in your kingdom."

KABOOOM! A thunderous crash shook the Pixie Dust Tree. Thor was the first out the door onto the terrace. Queen Clarion, Fairy Mary and the others followed behind, nearly swooning as his billowing cape revealed even more bulging muscles and a perfectly sculpted body. Outside, on the terrace was Tinker Bell. The hammer had returned to its owner and left the tinker fairy lying on the floor, burnt, blackened and in a very unladylike pose.

"You found it," Thor bellowed cheerfully. "Come to me," he ordered. Tinker Bell's grip no longer of any concern to the hammer, obeyed and flew into Thor's hand. The thunder god turned to Queen Clarion and spoke in his eloquent tones, "Thank you for retrieving my hammer, Your Highness." He took her hand in his and kissed it reverently.

"Now, on to New York City to rejoin The Avengers!" With that Thor spun the hammer and flew off into the sky. Queen Clarion and the others just watched in awe.

Finally, the queen spoke in hushed whispers. "Fairy Mary, did you see that?"

"You mean the impossibly handsome blonde god of thunder and wonderful dreams?"

"Yes, exactly. Could you make an exact replica of that armor?"

"Of course," Fairy Mary replied, her eyes still transfixed on the skies where Thor disappeared.

"Then make one for me," Clarion responded. "Make it so that it fits Lord Milori."

"Yes, Queen Clar-," Fairy Mary was shaken from her revery. "Lord Milori?"

"Yes," Queen Clarion replied, still enraptured by Thor's charm and handsome body. "And a matching hammer."

"What did I tell you about choosing the right hammer?" the narrator said scolding Tinker Bell.

"_Ow_," was all she could croak.

End Part 1

* * *

**If you found Part 1 amusing and would like to read more, please let me know with reviews and PM's. If you didn't find it amusing, review anyway so I'll know what you thought of it. Thank you very much for reading my little trifles.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I've made a few improvements in the writing and presentation of the punchlines. Hopefully this chapter is funnier than the first. Enjoy.**

**.**

Part 2

* * *

After a visit to the Healing Talent Fairies, Tinker Bell was magically transported back to her tea kettle home. Stunned, the little blonde fairy looked around at her surroundings. "How did I get here? We don't have a transporter like in _Star Trek_."

"To become a successful tinker one must learn this next basic, but necessary skill," the narrator said. A Title Card appeared revealing the next segment: HOW TO TIE A KNOT. "How to tie a-"

"We know, we know," Tinker Bell interrupted. "I'm sure everyone can read."

"How to tie a knot," the narrator said, ignoring Tinker Bell's complaints. "Learning to tie a knot is the second most basic skill needed to become a successful tinker after learning how to use a hammer."

"Hey, we never covered that," Tinker Bell said, noticing the giant plot hole.

"You want to smash your fingers again?" the narrator asked her.

"Good point. Carry on."

"Thank you. Tying a knot may seem simple, but every knot has a purpose. Some are used for bundling things. Others for binding two objects together when nails are not appropriate. Some are even used for building or erecting structures. Today we will demonstrate a few simple knots. First, the Square Knot."

Tinker Bell picks up two pieces of stem twine to demonstrate the simple Square Knot. She twists the two ends together in an Overhand Knot one way and then repeats the process in the opposite direction. She thinks.

"There you go," she says holding it up.

"That's not a Square Knot, it's a Granny Knot," the disembodied voice of the narrator informs her.

"What?! This is so a Square Knot." She inspects it. "See? I turned it this way then I…, uh oh."

"Umm hmm," the narrator replied knowingly.

"Oops. Sorry," the little blonde tinker said with a sheepish grin. "It's a Granny." Tinker Bell tries again, but she still ties a Granny Knot. She tries once again with two more pieces of stem twine, this time she produces a Clover Hitch. "Hey, that's not even close."

"You're telling me."

Tinker Bell keeps trying generating a Sheep Shank, a Half Hitch, a Figure Eight Knot, and then Two Half Hitches, a Studding Sail, a Timber Hitch, a Bowline, a Sheet Knot, a Halyard Knot, a Double Sheel Bend, Two Round Turns and a Half Hitch and just about every other knot possible…, except the simple Square. Tinker Bell growled with annoyance as she kept trying over and over again until she was forced to stop when she finally produced the much desired Square Knot… in her fingers.

"Aaaaah!" she screamed when she realized her fingers were all tied up in, ...er, knots.

"Finally, a square knot. Well done, Tinker Bell."

"Don't just stand there talking, help me undo this."

"I'm just a voice."

"Oh great."

Tinker Bell put her foot into her tied up hands to try to pry them apart. She put as much pressure as she could. Then her foot slipped and her leg went straight up and pressed against her face. "That didn't work." Tinker Bell then tried to twist her other leg around to pull her first leg out only for it to end up stuck between her thigh and her tied up hands.

"Could things possibly get any worse?"

At that exact moment the door to her house opened and in walked Terence. "Hi, Tink. What are you doing down there?"

"I'm trying to get out of these knots," she replied.

"Get out of what knots?" Terence said, confused for a second. Then it dawned on him. "Oh, I get it. You're doing some kind of yoga exercise to get the knots out of your muscles. You do work quite a bit around here, Tink, so I'll leave you alone to relax."

"What!? No, Terence. Wait. Come back!" But it was too late, the dust keeper sparrow man had closed the door and left Tinker Bell to her "yoga exercises."

"U-ugh. I could be here forever like this."

* * *

A title card dropped in front of Tinker Bell for a moment, introducing the new segment: Choosing the Right Workspace. When the title card lifted, Tinker Bell was no longer wrapped up, her fingers were no longer in knots and she was standing in front of her work table in Tinker's Nook again. "And now for our next segment of HOW TO BE A TINKER: Choosing the Right Workspace," the narrator's voiced stated.

"Do you have read the title card every time?" Tinker Bell asked, rather annoyed.

"Yes!" the voice boomed in response. "When choosing a proper workspace one must find a space with enough elbow room to move freely."

Tinker Bell held her elbows out without incident. "That's a first."

"Quiet, tinker fairy."

"Stupid, uppity voice," Tinker Bell grumbled.

"What was that?!"

"Nothing," Tinker Bell replied with a sweet as pie smile.

"I thought so." The narrating voice continued, "Your workspace should be at the proper height to avoid back strain."

Tinker Bell picked up her tools and demonstrated how her work table was just right for her.

"It shouldn't be too low…," the voice said.

Suddenly the table shrunk to the floor level. Tink fell with it, sprawled across its table top surface.

"And it shouldn't be too high."

The work table shot up, smooshing Tinker Bell into the ceiling above. "Mmm, mmm, mmm," she screamed out from behind the table while her arms and legs flailed about wildly from behind the work surface.

"Your work table should be just right for you."

The table suddenly dropped to its original position. Tinker Bell was temporarily stuck to the ceiling. When she finally became unstuck the little pixie landed with a splat on her work desk. "Oof! I knew this was going to happen."

"Next," the narrator pressed on without losing a beat, "your work space should be kept free of clutter."

Hundreds of acorns dropped on top of Tinker Bell and the table from seemingly out of nowhere. "Aaahhh!"

"If you find yourself with many projects it is best keep them organized and throw away anything you don't need."

Tinker Bell pushed the giant stack of acorns to the side. "Whew, that was hard." She sat down at her chair to catch her breath when another bundle of acorns were dumped on her and the table. From underneath the pile she grumbled, "Why do I even bother?"

* * *

Another title card dropped showing the next segment CHOOSING A PROJECT. "With clothing, hair, tools and a work space chosen and prepared we can move onto choosing a project," the voice continued.

"What's wrong?" Tinker Bell asked. "Do you have to be somewhere soon? Why can't we slow down?"

"Be quiet, I'm directing this show," the narrator scolded, sounding _very_ familiar when it did.

"Hmmm," Tink murmured suspiciously. At least the acorns were all gone. Although where they went, Tink could hardly guess.

"Your first project should be simple and easy to complete," the narrator stated. "Taking on something too big can be frustrating and dissuade you from continuing. Starting small and building to larger more complex projects will help you build confidence in your skills and yourself."

"Y'know, I've always wanted to build a life size replica of Walt Disney World, Walt Disney World Resorts and the Epcot Center right her in Pixie Hollow," Tinker Bell announced joyously.

"I said 'simple'," the narrator restated.

"Okay, okay," Tinker Bell conceded. "I'll just make a Balsa Wood Racer. Are you happy now?"

"Very."

Tinker Bell grumbled under her breath as she brought out the necessary materials. The Balsa Wood Racer was a simple project intended for kids and anyone who was completely new to the world of tinkering and building. They are intended to allow first timers to experience following instructions, using tools properly, using care and learning to apply the correct amount force while have something that is easy to complete to build confidence.

Tinker Bell's kit came with pre-cut parts, including a Grand Prix style chassis, short metal rods, nails, stickers and some paint to apply racing colors. Tinker Bell began by painting the individual wheels a dark grey color while adding yellow pigment to the chassis with red racing stripes. When the paint dried she carefully tapped in the axles to the wheels and then tapped the wheels into the chassis. Lastly, she applied stickers to complete the simple project.

She set the finished racer on her worktable. "And there you go."

Tinker Bell then set the car on a ramp made for Balsa Wood racing and let it run down the inlcined. "Easy as pie." She was promptly run down by thirty Grand Prix race cars which were running the Pixie Hollow Grand Prix Race at the time.

"Why me?" she whimpered.

* * *

**Well, there you go. The next part in How To Be A Tinker. I hope you are learning something. Namely, never star in a How To video when Goofy should.**

**Please review so I'll know that you liked it. Or even if you didn't like it. Or even if you could care less. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, fans of fun, here is another chapter in How To Be A Tinker.**

* * *

After another visit to the healing talent fairies Tinker Bell was whisked away once again. "Okay, stop that! This whole 'whisking me off somewhere' thing is getting really annoying."

"Once you have completed a number of smaller projects have and mastered the basics of being a tinker you are ready to move on to larger and more complicated assignments," the narrator spoke without hesitation.

Tinker Bell became very excited. "You mean I can finally build my…"

A title card dropped, it read HOW TO LIFT HEAVY OBJECTS.

"Oh," was all Tinker Bell could say, having lost all of her enthusiasm.

"Sometimes big projects require big objects, such as this rock," the narrator said directing Tinker Bell's attention to a rock on the ground.

"You mean that thing?" she asked confused. "It's not very big. I could lift it with one hand. Mmph. See?" She held the rock in up to show how easy it was to pick up and hold.

"Now what about that one?" the narrator replied. Tinker Bell turned around and saw a larger rock on the ground. She put down the first one and slid over to the second. This time she picked it up with both hands, but it was still pretty easy.

"There you go," she said rather pleased with herself.

"Okay, what about that one over there?" the narrator said, sounding a bit snippy. Tinker Bell turned around and saw much larger rock lying on the ground where she had just been standing.

"Whoa, where did that come from?" The blonde tinker fairy dropped the one in her hand and approached the larger stone. She reached down to pick it up when the narrator interrupted her.

"When lifting large, heavy objects it is always wise to lift with your knees and not your back," the voice instructed. "Injuries can occur when lifting incorrectly."

Tinker Bell did as told: she knelt down, wrapped her arms around the large rock and lifted with her knees. It was a bit of a strain, but she managed to pick it up without exerting too much effort. "Now that wasn't hard." She paused for a moment. "Let me guess, there's another one behind me and it's larger than this one, right?"

"How did you know?"

"Shot in the dark."

"Smart aleck fairy"

Tinker Bell walked over to the new, much larger and much heavier stone that sat on the ground. Tinker Bell recognized that this would take more effort than the last one and had to take greater care. A fact that the narrator didn't fail to mention. "Remember to lift with your legs and never with your back."

"You just said that," she told the voice.

"It bears restating," the voice said.

"Whatever," Tinker Bell responded while rolling her eyes at the overly cautious voice. She bent down with her knees and tried to lift the heavier stone. She grunted and groaned and strained. "Grrrr… C'mon you stupid rock, move. Move…, move…, move!" But it didn't, so Tinker Bell put everything she could into lifting the rock.

"UUNNGGGNOOWW! My back!" Tinker Bell grabbed her back and tried to walk away, but couldn't without great pain. "Hey, how about whisking me off to the infirmary?"

"I thought you didn't want to be whisked around any more?" the voice returned in a snarky voice. "You made it perfectly clear that you didn't want me doing it anymore."

"Just whisk me noOOOWWW! Ooh hoo hoo, my back."

"Nope, sorry, no whisking. You're done being whisked."

"Now who's the smart aleck?" Tinker Bell complained as she slowly duck walked her way to the healing talent fairies.

* * *

Tinker Bell returned in short order. "Oh, look who's back," the narrator snidely remarked. "Feeling better are we?"

"Yes, much," she returned. "I'm going to lift that thing no matter how many times I have to see a healing talent fairy. YOU HERE ME ROCK? YOU'RE GOING DOWN! I mean, up. I mean, I'm going to pick you up. I mean..., oh never mind."

Tinker Bell knelt in front of the rock, put her arms around the huge stone and with great determination lifted as hard as he could.

"UNNNNGGGGGGHHHHKKKKRRRR" R-I-I-P!

"Uh oh!" Tink let go of the rock and stood up straight. She knew right away that she'd torn her pants. Her face turned beet red and an embarrassed and sheepish look came across her face. She put her hands behind her back and started to sidle off to the side. "Heh, I'll be right back. I need new undies."

"This is kids show, remember?" the voice said irately.

"Hey, I'm not that kind of fairy," Tinker Bell yelled back.

"Hi, Tink!"

"Dyah! Terence?"

"Uh, what happened to your pants? They looked ripped?"

Tinker Bell became utterly horrified. "AAAAAHHHHHH!" She screeched all the way back to her tea kettle home.

"What got into her?" the dust keeper sparrow man asked no one in particular.

"Would you like to help your friend in the next segment?" the voice asked Terence.

"Uh, who said that?"

"I did."

"Who is 'I'? I mean, who are you?"

"I'm the narrator," the narrator replied. The voice explained everything to Terence.

"I love Goofy," Terence said. "And those How To cartoon shorts are a scream."

"Then you'll help?"

"Of course, anything for Tink," Terence said devotedly.

"Anything?"

"Sure, anything."

"Good," the voice said, almost as if licking its lips at the prospects.

* * *

"Okay, I'm back," Tinker Bell announced. "Terence? You're still…, here." She backed away from the dust keeper and into some leaves. She pulled one off of its stem and wrapped it around her waist.

"What's wrong, Tink?" he asked her. "Your clothes aren't still ripped are they?"

"Ripped? Who said they were ripped? Nothing's ripped."

"Great, let's start filming."

Tinker Bell looked genuinely confused. "You're in this, too?"

"Yeah, I agreed to help with the next part."

"Uh, why would you do that?"

"Because you're my friend, and I want to spend time with you," he told her.

Tinker Bell smiled, her face turned slightly reddish from embarrassment. Only this time it was the good kind. "Thanks, Terence."

"Alright, alright," the voice said, "you two can smoochie, smoochie later."

"Huhn? We're not…, we're just friends."

"Sure, and I'm Santa Claus." The voice then continued, "Always know your limits when lifting. If you have to pick up something beyond your ability to so safely alone then ask for a friend to assist you."

Terence waved to the camera. "Don't do that, kid, you look like a rookie."

"Sorry," the dust keeper said.

"When lifting together always follow safety rules, lift with your knees and work in synchronization," the voice instructed. "Share the load and keep your partner in mind when holding or moving the object. You are responsible for his safety as much as he is for yours."

"Ready, Terence?" Tinker Bell asked her dearest friend.

"Ready, Tink," he replied, eager to help his closest and best friend in all of Pixie Hollow.

The two fairies stood on either side of the huge rock and together they squatted down, wrapped their arms around either end and on three they each lifted with their legs in the proper manner. Unfortunately, Tinker Bell didn't know her own strength in relation to Terence. She lifted faster than he did. So fast in fact that it flew up and over and toppled right on poor Terence with a huge thud.

"TERENCE!" she screamed. "Terence, are you alright? Terence? Speak to me!" she shouted to her friend who was under the rock.

"Tink, I'm right here," he said.

Tinker Bell looked up and saw him floating in the air, his body faint and wispy.

"Terence, you're a ghost." Terror struck the poor little tinker fairy. "Oh no, Terence, you're dead. I killed you because I didn't pay attention to the rules."

"It's okay, Tinker Bell, this is only temporary," the ghost of Terence reassured her.

"Temporary? How?"

"This is just for the cartoon you're filming," he said. "Just like in that Goofy cartoon 'How to Haunt a House.' Goofy was fine afterwards, the narrator told me so."

"And you believed him?"

"Sure, why not?"

"I dunno," Tinker Bell said, her suspicions still growing. "I'm beginning to think that something fishy is going on around here."

"Don't say 'fishy,' Tink," the ghost of Terence warned her. "You know how Silvermist feels about it."

"Oops, sorry."

"But don't worry about me, I'll be just fine."

"Terence," the narrator said. "It's time. Head into the light."

"Time to go, Tink."

"Terence, don't leave me."

"I have to, Tink. But you'll see me again." The ghost of Terence moved away from Tinker Bell and vanished into a warm and brilliant light.

"Goodbye, Terence," Tinker Bell said, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Fly with you later."

* * *

"Hey, kids, don't worry," Tinker Bell announced as an aside. "Terence is just fine. In fact, he is right here."

Terence pops into camera range looking well and no worse for wear. "Hi, everyone," he greets cheerfully. "I'm okay. Turns out I was just mostly dead, not completely dead."

"But he got better."

"That's right. But remember, we're trained actors and stunt performers."

"That's right."

"Don't try this at home."

"Wait, we are?" Tinker Bell asked.

"Are what?"

"Trained stunt performers?" she asked.

"Sure, why do you ask?"

"I've never been trained in doing stunts," she replied. "Wait, you mean I've been doing stunts without proper training? I could have been hurt or worse."

"Tink, you're getting kind of angry," Terence noted. Indeed Tinker Bell was turning that deep crimson when she got particularly angry or frustrated with someone. She then grabbed a frying pan that was nearby and started waving it in the air. Terence ran from her, but she chased after him.

"Stand still, Terence, so I can brain you, but good!"

"Tink, can't we talk about this? Tink? Tink? Help!"

* * *

**Don't worry folks, Terence will be okay. I hope.**

**Please review, I love to hear from you to find how you liked (or disliked) the material.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here we are folks, the last segment of How To Be A Tinker. **

**When the end credits roll don't leave your seats, there are a few bonus scenes during and after the credits.**

* * *

The narrator, in its non-stop, breathless tone, relentlessly continues, "Now that you have completed your smaller projects and learned how to safely lift large and heavy objects you are ready to tackle those bigger projects. Projects that can require days to complete and many fairy hours of dedication and hard work. But be careful when taking on something big. It is very easy to keep adding more and more to a project until it gets out of hand. This is called Project Creep."

A title card drops down and reads pretty much the same thing. HOW TO AVOID PROJECT CREEP.

"How to avoid project creep is essential to be a successful tinker. The last thing anyone wants is become embroiled in a never ending project that keeps growing and growing as it moves beyond its initial scope," the disembodied voice stated.

"The best way to avoid project creep is write down what you are trying to accomplish," he tells the tinker fairy and the audience. Tinker Bell dutifully takes out a pad made of leaves and begins to write. "Remember, start with what you are trying to accomplish, then create a design that stays hard and fast to your intended goal."

Tinker Bell then begins to build her new project, a scale model of the Spaceship Earth Geodesic Dome from Epcot Center in Walt Disney World at Orlando, Florida in the United States.

"Always remember to never stray from your blueprints unless it is absolutely necessary."

"Hey, I know, I could add some tracks for the Monorail that goes past the Dome," Tinker Bell announces.

"Ahem, like I said never stray from your blueprints or abandon your project's stated purpose," the voice forcefully reminds her.

"Oh and I need some sidewalks for the visitors who will want to take the ride inside the dome," the tinker fairy says, constantly adding to her original design. "Oh, and the Spaceship Earth Geodesic Dome just won't look right without the lake that sits in front of it so I have to add that, too."

Tinker Bell keeps adding and adding and adding to the project constructing the entire Epcot Center with the World Showcase that features pavilions from nations from around the globe. Then she adds all the attractions that surrounded Spaceship Earth. Then she adds more monorails and builds the Magic Kingdom complete with Cinderella's Castle. After that she includes the resort, Disney's Hollywood Studios, Disney's Animal Kingdom, Typhoon Lagoon, Blizzard Beach, Downtown Disney, ESPN Wide World of Sports and lastly Disney's Boardwalk. When she finished that Tinker Bell builds the parking lot reasoning that visitors would need a place to park.

"But how can they get there if there aren't any roads or highways?" So she built streets, thoroughfares and roads as well as intrastate and US Interstate Highways. Then she build the city of Orlando, Florida. But still it wasn't enough so Tinker Bell continued adding other major cities, small towns, the Florida Everglades, the Florida Key's Island Chain, retirement communities and even drug dealers (represented by a white haze). By the time she was done the little tinker fairy had duplicated the entire state of Florida to scale. It occupied the entirety of Tinker's Nook.

"Uh, Miss Bell," Bobble called to her. "Miss Bell, we can't get in to do our work."

"Hmmm…, you know, Florida can't stand alone like this," Tinker Bell said thinking aloud. "I know, I'll add the entire United States to it. That'll make it look right."

The narrator continued, "Project creep can force you into major cost overruns, deplete much needed resources, force you to miss deadlines, prevent other projects from coming to fruition and most of all…"

"Miss Bell? Miss Bell?" Bobble kept calling. "Are you in there, Miss Bell?"

"It can really annoy your friends and coworkers," the narrator concluded.

Several hours later

"Wow, Miss Bell," Bobble said with wide eyed fascination, "you actually did it. You built a life size replica of the Epcot Center's Spaceship Earth Geodesic Dome." The sphere that Tinker Bell had crafted was gigantic, looming not only above Pixie Hollow but over all of Never Land, as well.

"Oh, no, Bobble, it's actually a scale model of the Earth," she tells him.

"THE EARTH?! You mean the entire Earth?"

"Mm hm. The Epcot Center dome is um…, um…," she looks for it on the model of the planet she created. "Huh, well what do you know, I never actually built it."

Bobble face palmed.

* * *

Another title card drops and announces the next segment NEVER GET AHEAD OF YOURSELF. When the title card is lifted the entire model of the Earth is gone.

"Hey, I worked hard on that," Tinker Bell gripes.

"When working on projects it is easy to get carried away and move ahead when you shouldn't," the voice states. "This can lead to poorly constructed end products and create severe safety hazards for both you and those who will be using your finished design in their workplace."

"Oh he's got you pegged there, Miss Bell," Bobble tells the little, blonde tinker fairy.

"Oh, now you hear him," Tinker Bell growled at the slim, redheaded, tinker sparrow man. "Why didn't you hear that voice earlier?"

"It wasn't funny, earlier," he replied.

She crossed her arms and fumed at him, stomping the dirt as she did. Her face turned beet red, growing shade after shade darker with every passing second.

"Oh, would you look at the time," Bobble said realizing just how furious Tinker Bell was with him. He looked down at his bare wrist as if there were a watch. "I have to go now, heh, because, eh, because…, oh I know. I left the mongoose on spin dry. Yeah, that's it. Mongoose. Don't want him to get static cling, now do we?" Bobble quickly exited the situation and flew away as fast as he possibly could.

"As I was saying," the voice continued, rather annoyed at the disruption, "never get ahead of yourself during assembly and construction."

Tinker Bell grabbed some tools and began to build. "I'm going to finish that scale model of the Epcot dome since I forgot to do it last time," she said. While building the dome a shipment of mirrored glass triangles arrives which will be used to form the outer skin of the dome. She inspects them and is satisfied with the delivery.

"Oh, I can't wait to get these up on the structure of the dome," Tinker Bell said giddily. She decides to try one out near the bottom to see how it will look. She likes it very much, even making a few funny faces into the mirrored glass. She laughs, but she can barely see herself in the triangle so she adds a few more just around it.

"Now don't get ahead of yourself," the narrator tells the tinker fairy. "Finish the framework before adding the glass triangles."

"Oh, shush. I just want to see how they'll look when it is complete."

"Of course," the narrator responds, knowing how this will turn out.

Tinker Bell quickly begins to install more and more of the mirrored glass triangles to her scale model of the Spaceship Earth Geodesic Dome, as she does the glass adds weight to the incomplete structure. When she is finished the entire dome appears complete from the outside, the glass triangles numbering one thousand. Tinker Bell ventures inside to see how it looks from there. She is joined by Clank who is amazed by the sight of the dome.

"This is wonderful, Miss Bell," he says with a hushed, reverential tone of voice. "I can't believe you finished it so quickly."

"Oh, it's not finished," she says. "The structure isn't complete, I just wanted to see what it would look like when it's fully assembled."

"It's not finished?" he asked her. Tinker Bell shakes her head "no."

"Then what's holding it up?" Clank says, asking the next logical question.

Unfortunately, at that moment the incomplete superstructure begins to creak and groan. Tink's and Clank's eyes get wide as they suddenly realized what is about to happen.

The entire structure collapses around and upon them with a loud and ear splitting CRASH! When Tinker Bell and Clank look around they both notice something quite obvious. So does the narrator.

"Well what do you know, one thousand broken mirrors means 7000 years of bad luck," the disembodied voice helpfully points out.

"I don't believe in that nonsense for one bit," Tinker Bell says with a huff.

She is immediately beset by a murder of crows. CAW! CAW! CAW! They yell as they assault, scratch and peck at her.

"Aaahh. Shoo, shoo."

When they leave the narrator gloats, "What did I tell you?"

"It's just a coincidence. It could happen to anybody."

"Famous last words."

Tinker Bell is attacked by a swarm of bees, then mauled by a lion, finally she stands there as a deluge falls on her from a tiny raincloud. And just on her. Clank is left dry.

"Hmph, I still don't believe in that superstitious stuff," she says.

"I do," Clank says moving away from her.

"Clank, you big baby. Get back here. Nothing is going to hap-."

RAAUUWWR!

"-pen?"

Tinker Bell looks over her shoulder. She screams and flies off as fast as she can. She is being chased by a Tyrannosaurus Rex. "Hey, that's supposed to be extinct!"

When she comes around again she is being chased by King Kong. "What?!"

On the third go round she is being chased by Godzilla. "Oh, come on!" she yells in frustrated disbelief. "This is getting ridiculous."

"Only six thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine more years to go," the narrator gleefully informs the tinker fairy.

"EEEEKK! Zombies and they want to eat my brain!" They chase her, groaning unintelligibly as body parts fell off of them.

"YAAAHH! Vampires, real ones not the sparkly, teenager types, and they want to suck my blood!" The vampires hiss and drape their capes in front of their faces as they stare trying to hypnotize the blonde fairy.

"AAAAHH! Animal from the Muppets! HELP!"

"Woman! Woman!" he roars excitedly. Animal stops in front of the camera, looks directly into it and bellows, "WOMAN!" before resuming his chase of the scared, little tinker fairy.

* * *

On the screens of the control room were different camera angles of Tinker Bell being chased around Pixie Hollow by nasty creatures that are the stuff of nightmares and the occasional children's movie. A hand flipped a switch marked "voice modulator and digitizer" to the off position. It flipped another set of switches turning off all incoming and outgoing audio transmissions. The hand then reached up to draw back dark tresses which covered a pointed ear. The fingers grasped a Bluetooth ear bud and microphone combo and pulled it from the pointed ear, putting it down on the control panel. The owner of the hand and ear turned to face the camera that sat behind her.

She spoke, her voice familiar and more recognizable without the modulation and digitizing of the computer equipment. It was Vidia. "And that kiddies is the end of HOW TO BE A STINKER."

She flipped another switch and the image went dark.

* * *

Vidia sat back in her chair, putting her feet up on the control panel as she enjoyed the image of Tinker Bell being pursued by another ugly creature, actually an actor in a convincing suit. "Now that was fun," she told herself.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, Vidia."

"DYAAAH!" Vidia, surprised, flipped out of her chair and onto the floor below with a thud. The voice came from behind her. It was the one person she didn't want to hear from right now.

"Quee-, Queen Clarion!" she screeched, her voice trembling. "To what do I owe this…, uh, honor?"

Her Majesty, the queen stood tall and erect, her regal poise never betraying her anger and disappointment. She looked over the images on the screen and then back at her prankster fast flyer. "I see you have been busy."

"Oh, that," Vidia chuckled nervously. "Tinker Bell and I were just doing a little piece for the Disney Channel," she said, lying and being quite obvious about it.

"Indeed," the queen replied. "I'm sure it will be quite instructional. Perhaps you should do another."

Vidia, stunned by the queen's request, looked incredibly confused. "I should?"

"Yes," the queen responded. "You can call this one HOW TO BE A FAST FLYER. And here is your director."

Vidia heard him before she saw him. "Uh huh huh huh hyuk!"

"Oh no. Not…, not…"

"Hello, there," Goofy greeted happily as he approached. He spoke in his usual drawl. "Greetin's, Your Highness." Goofy took off his hat and bowed to the regal monarch. When he righted himself he got his head caught up in her wings. "Uh, oh."

"Goofy, please, allow me," she told him. It was too late, Goofy kept twisting and turning and even somehow managed to get himself caught up in her pixie dust dress almost garroting himself to death before Queen Clarion freed him.

"Gwarsh, sorry."

"_He_ is going to my director?" Vidia said, frightened at the very prospect of working with the Disney Company's resident walking accident. "You cannot be serious."

"I am quite serious, Vidia," the queen replied.

Goofy walked up to Vidia, took her hand in his and started shaking it…, violently; although it was done with good cheer and excitement, not out of malice. Vidia was shaken badly by his enthusiastic greeting. "This is a real pleasure, Miss Vermicelli. My son is a big fan."

"It's Vidia!" she spat angrily. Vidia hated it when someone mispronounced her name, but Goofy was now the worst offender.

"It is? Hmm…, I could have sworn it was Vincenzo. Maybe I heard it wrong."

"Ugh," Vidia face palmed. Then she made a desperate appeal to the queen. "Please, please don't do this to me. I'll apologize to Tinker Bell. I'll apologize in public to everyone in Pixie Hollow. I'll even take out an ad in Variety Magazine apologizing. Just don't leave me in the hands of this goofball."

"Goofball?" Goofy said, overhearing the conversation. "Hey, are you a fan, too? I love playing goofball with Max. Y'know, maybe if we're lucky we can take in a game, together, the three of us. I hope you like hot dogs, 'cause there is nothing like enjoying a relaxing game of goofball with a hot dog and a soda pop on a lazy afternoon."

"I'm a vegetarian," she growled at him through clenched teeth.

"Oh well, don't worry," Goofy said trying to allay her fears, "it isn't really made with dogs. It's just a name." He then leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Pluto won't touch 'em for the same reason. He thinks they're made out of dogs, too." Vidia glared at him as if he were the biggest dummy in the world. She turned back to the queen. "Please! Please!"

The queen considered her plea. "Be gentle with her, Mr. Goofy."

"Well, come on, Miss Vermillion, we got us a cartoon to film," Goofy said, taking Vidia by the hand and leading her off.

"No, you can't do this to me," Vidia yelled at Goofy as she tried to pull free from him without success. Then she turned to the queen with fearful eyes. "I'll be good. I swear, I'll be good from now on! Just don't do this! I'll be good! NOOOOO!"

* * *

END CREDITS

Directed by Nerdherder51

Produced by Nerdherder51

Story by Nerdherder51

Storyboards by Nerdherder51

Based on an Original Concept by Nerdherder51

Music composed and conducted by Nerdherder51

_Mid Credits Sequence No. 1_

Lord Milori was standing in a heroic pose. Dressed in the Thor armor reproduced by Fairy Mary and wielding a hammer aimed at the sky he stood square jawed, flinty eyed and his hair fluttered in the breeze created by some nearby fast flyers.

Queen Clarion lay upon the ground next to him. The queen's hair, normally in an up do style, was undone and waving loosely in the breeze; her arms were wrapped tightly around Milori's thigh, her head and chest resting upon his leg as she stared up with doe eyed wonder at her invincible hero sparrow man.

"Dear, not so tight," Milori said, "you're cutting off my circulation."

"Sorry, love," she replied loosening her grip on his legs a bit. She then told the painting talent not to forget the lightning bolt that was to strike the hammer in the finished painting.

"I won't forget, your highness," the painter said. "Lightning will strike the Thor hammer, believe me."

"This will look so wonderful over our bed. Don't you think, Milori?"

"Yes, dear," he said dutifully, clearly not wanting this horror anywhere near his bedroom, or the house. "It will be a perfect addition to our decor."

.

.

Casting by Nerdherder51

Director of Photography – Nerdherder51

Camera Operator – Nerdherder51

Sound by Nerdherder51

Grip – Nerdherder51

Best Boy – Nerdherder51

Boom Mic Operator – Nerdherder51

.

.

_Mid Credits Sequence No. 2_

"Gwarsh, sorry about what happened yesterday on the set, Miss Volkswagon," Goofy said to Vidia as he walked into her hospital room. "I hope you're feeling better this morning. Look, I brought you something special, homemade chicken soup."

Vidia, who was lying in bed, had a bandage wrapped around her head, a brace on her neck and her left arm and right leg were in casts. The arm was laying on a pillow while a counterweight pulley system kept her broken leg elevated.

"I'm a vegetarian!" she yelled at him. "Fairies don't eat meat! We help animals to grow and to fly and to swim! We don't eat them!"

Goofy stopped and looked rather lost by her tantrum. "So, you're saying you don't want the soup?"

"NO! I DON'T WANT THE STUPID SOUP!" she bellowed angrily. "Now get out of my room!"

As she yelled at him the pillow that cushioned her broken arm fell to the ground. "Oh, great."

"Here, let me get that," Goofy said, glad to be of some help.

Goofy put the tray on the night stand next to the fairy's hospital bed. However, as he turned Goofy inadvertently knocked the tray over and spilled the soup onto Vidia. She screeched and cried out. "HOT SOUP! HOT SOUP!"

"Hey, I thought you didn't want any chicken soup?" Goofy said, scratching his head a little miffed that Miss Veracruz couldn't make up her mind. He knelt down to pick up the pillow and grabbed the control wand for the bed to balance himself. He accidently pressed a button and "WHOMP!" the bed folded up on Vidia sandwiching her between the two ends, head to toe.

"I - can't - breathe," she croaked. "Help!"

"Huh? Oh, sorry, let me fix that for you." Goofy pressed a button and the bed folded the other way, leaving Vidia teetering on the point of the mattress. "Well that's not right," Goofy said as he studied the controls. He pressed another button and the bed started folding and chomping down on Vidia.

WHOMP! WHOMP! WHOMP! WHOMP!

"No, that's still not it." He pressed another button and the bed started spinning and angling like a Gravitron ride from a carnival.

"AAAaaaaAAAAaaaaAAAAaaaaaAAAA!" Vidia screamed as she was taken on the worst ride of her life. Goofy kept pressing buttons and the bed started dancing and gyrating the Conga, then it folded up on Vidia and spun like a top. Finally it started bucking and bounding around the room like an angry bronco trying to knock off its rider, forcing Vidia to hang on for dear life. Finally Goofy found the off switch and the bed settled into its normal, flat position. Vidia looked terrified and shaken from her ordeal, her face was a bit green and her eyes were huge and bloodshot. Goofy could have sworn he saw the word TILT flashing in her pupils.

"Y'know, Miss Violin, you look like you could some rest," Goofy told her. "Here, let put this pillow back under your arm." He gently replaced the pillow and rested Vidia's mangled arm on it. When he took his hand way, Goofy caught the rope that held her leg in place. When he tried to pull free her broken leg was yanked into the pulley. THONK!

Vidia screamed so loud it pierced everyone's ears in the hospital. Goofy kept pulling and yanking to free himself from the rope while Vidia's leg kept bouncing up and down banging into the bed's footboard and then into the pulley and then back on the footboard and then back into the pulley. "STOP IT! STOP IT! YOU'RE KILLING ME!"

Finally, Vidia had had enough. Goofy smashed through the window of the hospital room as she threw him out bodily.

"YAAA-HAA-HAA-HOOEY!" he hollered on the way down until he landed in a giant trash bin.

"AND STAY OUT!" Vidia yelled at him from her window before withdrawing to her bed.

"Gwarsh, I don't think she likes me very much," Goofy concluded as he put on his hat and climbed out. He called his son on the cell phone. "Hey, Max, wanna catch a game of Goofball this afternoon? Just the two of us? Great, I'll pick you up on the way. What? Naw, she's not coming with us, after all. You know what that means, don't you? More hot dogs for us!"

.

.

Lighting by Nerdherder51

Background by Nerdherder51

Props by Nerdherder51

Costuming by Nerdherder51

Hair Styling by Nerdherder51

Makeup by Nerdherder51

Financing by Nerdherder51

Accounting by Nerdherder51

Craft Services by Nerdherder51

The producers would like to thank Nerdherder51's mother and father for Nerdherder51.

.

.

_Post Credits Sequence_

Deep within the bowels of Asgard, inside its jail there is a cell which contains the trickster Loki. Here he serves out his sentence for his acts of aggression against the people of earth and the damage to the city of New York. He is watching from his chair the events that have transpired in Pixie Hollow. Although he doesn't turn his head, Loki is keenly aware of a visitor in the corridor.

"Hello, brother dear," he greets. "I see you found your hammer."

"Yes, no thanks to you, Loki," Thor replies.

"What a wonderful technology the humans have provided for me," Loki says with a sardonic tone. "What do they call it again? Satellite television?"

"It is a gift from mother," Thor reminded him. "But be warned, father has decreed it to be a privilege. One that can be taken from you for any word or deed against Asgard or the nine realms."

"Oh, I remember, my dear brother," Loki responds, finally turning to face his adoptive sibling. "He stood right where you are right now and bellowed with all the bluster of a fading monarch clinging to his power that he would rather I spend my life here in this tiny space without even slightest comfort for my crimes. Mother, however, is such a caring soul. Always protecting her dear little stolen child."

"You will not speak ill of our mother," Thor chided him. "She is too good to you for such vile words."

Loki walked to the walls of his cell and squatted to be eye to eye with the god of thunder. "You know, I find this Vidia quite amusing. A fairy after my own heart. She has so much potential, if only someone would show her the way."

"And that someone would be you?" Thor questioned with a laugh.

"Well she certainly won't be able to while surrounded by such noble weaklings as the fairy queen or that sickening Tinker Bell," Loki said, venom in every word he spoke.

"You will never be able to escape your cell, Loki," Thor told him, assured of this assessment.

"I think she could make a proper queen to a god such as myself," Loki sneered.

"We are not gods," Thor reminded him.

"Properly trained she could sit next to me while we rule over the worlds of our choosing."

"Choose your next words carefully, dear brother," Thor stated quite directly. "I've turned the other way so you may continue to enjoy your 'slight comfort' while you are in confinement. But continue and I will have no choice but to have father remove your portal to the human world."

Loki smiled, then stood and returned to his chair. "You were there for some time, brother. Did you find any entertainments you enjoyed? Perhaps something I could watch while I pass the time away behind these four walls?"

Thor was silent.

"Just as well," he told the god of thunder. "Our tastes were never very similar, now were they?"

The god of thunder walked away, content to remain silent about what he had just heard.

"I think I'll watch the Disney Channel tonight," Loki muttered. "Nothing like having my intelligence insulted before bedtime."

With Thor finally gone Loki returned his attention to the fast flyer and her nasty mean streak. _What a life we could lead, Vidia_, he thought. _I'll rule over Asgard and you can have earth all to yourself, ruling all those puny humans in my name._

Loki waved his hand and the image on the screen before him switched to _The Suite Life on Deck_. The trickster watched the child friendly show provided to him. He had access to only such things that would not inspire him to further acts of violence or insurrection against the crown of Asgard. A restriction Odin insisted upon before allowing the entertainment to be allowed in his adopted son's cell.

_Loki, King of Asgard, Ruler of the Nine Realms. Princess Vidia, ruler of Pixie Hollow, Never Land and all of Midgard, _he mused._ I do like the sound of that._

* * *

**Don't worry folks, Loki is not falling in love with Vidia, he just likes her mean streak.**

**I hope this little bit of fun and fluff brought a smile to your face. Please review, I thoroughly enjoy reading your comments and reviews.**

**Thank you, Nerdherder51.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**The characters of Thor and Loki are the property of Marvel Entertainment, LLC (The Walt Disney Company). The standard disclaimer applies.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**No hot dogs were harmed during the making of this film.**


End file.
